Just need a place to share

Guess everyone had stopped visiting my blog.

I m really in a bad shape few days back before my last paper.

I really need my close friend just to be there w/o requesting.

Suppose to meet on thur but ended up din meet due to some reason.

Suppose to meet on fri and she gave the same reason, I knew it because i know v

well that she dont feel like gg out. As usual, i m gg to act tt I m okay and is okay

not to meet. I gave up and pls take all this away. Pls friend, I dont hv a strong heart n

I dont need anyone to do anything only after I ask. I just need a friend tt I can lean on when i needed badly. Is tt really hard ??!!

VIVIEN NG IS REALLY NT OKAY :(

random thoughts

I have been driving my friend's car if she doesnt want to drive. After driving I will reflect the way I drive. One day I need to send her mom home cause she is not feeling well. At the beginning her mom like feeling uneasy and of course I also stress. I made a few mistake and I think i really scared her mom. I have been thinking and I think I am over confident. I need to be a safety driver and know that there is room for improvement.
I have been thinking why cant I be a little selfish and treat myself a little better. Can we forget those ppl that hurt u before ??!! What more can I give ??!! I started to feel that I need more time alone. Hai ... in a confused state !!!!

A day out !!

Happy Blessed Bday my dearest friend.

I was driving on the rd all by myself without my bro besides me. I borrowed my sister's car cause yesterday was my dear friend bday. I drove all the way down to town to get her cake and the traffic was really bad. Is worth it cause everyone said the cake was nice. Then drove to collect food from Jurong then headed to her place for celebration.

My 1st time

• driving out alone
• driving to orchard
• 4 passengers in my car
• drive my friend's parents home.

My achievement for the day. I can sensed the different btw driving alone and driving with friends in the car. Everyone is ok with my driving and thanks God for journey mercy. I pray before I drive out alone.

Coming to another stage. ....

I didn't go ECP yesterday due to the rain. Today I woke up early, get ready to go ECP alone. When I reached there, I find a place to settle down then I took out a book and started writing about a few issues. As for every issues I end with a prayer that God will bless every each of it.
I am feeling better each day and not dwelling on the things that I cant changed.

PS: Thanks Yvonne for making the effort to call and listen to my thoughts. You are a great DGL :)

PS: Thanks Suet for listening and reassure me in those area that I have doubts in.

PS: I really hope that this friendship will work out and I really really cherish this bond. To my dearest friend I just don't have the heart of giving up.

Pull me

I am blogging again. I can't bed. Once I close my eyes my brain juz cannot stop thinking. I want to rest but I juz cant. Who can I share with ? Where is all my closest friends ? How I wish I cn get into relationship to be loved by someone. Let me be the selfish one cause I m tired of loving someone. Suddenly I feel like gg for a trip all by myself but I dont have the courage to travel alone. I am v sian, super sian. Wht happened to me !!!! Where am I now?????? Pull me out..........................................................................................................

Moving On

I am so much better today.

Trusting that Jehovah is still God.

Trusting that God will make a way for me when there seems to be no way.

As for the pain, to be frank I am still feeling the pain cause this time is really a hurtful one.

I am going to ECP tomorrow to spend this time alone with God. A time for me to reflect and let go things that I cannot control.

A tiring soul

A recovering soul

Vivien

A LONG N TIRING DAY

Over is over. I have a feeling that I will fail badly for econs and banking and finance paper. I dont even know what am I doing throughout the exam. I felt helpless, really helpless.
My eyes were so heavy after thur paper but I controlled so hard until something happened which I really can't hold back anymore. I felt so painful, really painful. The pain which hurt deep in my heart. I decided to walk to MRT station from church which took me 3/4 hr i guess. With no direction,no planning I felt so lost while walking to station.
If you ask me what I need at tt moment, I needed a friend to be at my side so badly.
Is painful, really v painful. I felt rejected, push away, once again I felt so helpless.
I am feeling so helpless, so painful, so lonely but I still care so much abt how you feel and how I wish I can do so much for u.

Suet: I know you don't know what to say to me and you are busy too tt is why I didn't call/sms you. Thanks for everything.

........

I had just finished my 2nd last paper which is banking and finance paper. I am quite sure that I will not make it for this paper ----> FAILED!! If i pass is really God's grace. I didnt sms anyone to share with them how i feel cause I know what they will tell me. If you ask me, deep inside me I am really upset and really feel like giving up. After going through this period of exams stress, I find myself going back to what I used to be 4 or 5 yrs ago. I don't feel like sharing much with ppl but to God I tell my deepest thought.
I am quite silly now to think who is a friend that I can turn to and cry ? I really cannot find one. Haha. Ok enough I am getting emo. Will get back to notes ..... Jia You ba VIVIEN NG !!!!!

God being my pillow of strength

Finally reaching the last point of yr 1 in uni. I had just finished stats paper and maths 2. Both stats 1 and 2 papers are ok, at least I think there is still chance to do well. As for Maths 2, I don't have confident that I will do well but pass should be ok ba. I am preparing my Banking and Finance paper now. I really dislike modules that required me to write and remember like mad. I will try my best to squeeze everything into my tiny brain and vomit everything that I could remember during the paper. I still left with 2 papers which will be on thur and fri. I deserve a gd break after everything and I pray that I dont have to repeat any modules.

At this point of time, what do I need most ? Time to study, energy to sustain through every papers, support from friends and God being my pillow of strength :)

Just some thoughts. Action is always louder than words but is it something our words come faster than action. Words are easy to be said but action is hard to act and tt results to misunderstanding is it ?

Ok i will end here and wil catch up with my friends after my exams. Looking forwards !!! I am gg to return to my lecture notes again !! Haha

Letting go

My mind is wondering why cant things work out the way I desired.

I had tried so hard and of course i will feel weary but is gd to remind myself tt I have a big GOD.

Letting go things you cherish is never easy but if those things kept me away from God I should make it a pt to let go and submit to God.

I am learning but is painful and I need to find joy in doing all these.

I have been preparing for my coming exams. At the moment everything seem ok but of course I am worried when days draw nearer. Jia You ba.

Suet: All the best for ur coming exams. Jia You for you....

Emo Vivien

I am disappointed with ppl, or is it me tt is asking for so much ? I want to find a gd place to do my revision and fully focus in my studies.
I am ready to let go something I hold on to so dearly. Letting go in one shot is impossible but I am doing it bit by bit. How well and fast can I let go, I really don't know.
Relationship with my mom is from bad to worst just because I am so unwilling to teach my bro, so ungodly of me rite (for being so unforgiven to ppl). I felt like complaining why is life so unfair when I know nothing is fair in the world.
Everything in life needs both hands to clap but I can't see any of it now (as in not in ppl). Lets put it a STOP and go to another season of life.
Hope that you will stand up soon and move on my dear sister.

Examsssssssssssssssssssss

STAYING FOCUS IN PREPARING FOR MOCK EXAMS IN FEB/MAR.

Pray together with me.

THANK YOU.

Update

OOoo No I didnt keep in touch with my blog for so long. Haha. I am too lazy to type and update my blog.

I am one more year older this year.
A few thanksgiving to say:
(1) Thank you Amanda, Suet and Ying for spending time out with me and celebrating my day with me. I had fun and enjoyed the food.
(2) Thank you Ying for baking the strawberry cake. I love it and is really nice :)
(3) Thank you Kua for the little strawberry cake and present. Appreciated your effort and time.
(4) Thank you BOSS for the present.
(5) Thank you for the present and time gathering together on my bday. (SIM friends)
(6) Thank you for the cake and effort ---> DG (a gp of fun loving sisters in christ)
(7) Thank you Phang family for getting cake for me though there is no surprises. Haha.
(8) Thank you Eunice and Yen for getting me bday present.
(9) Thank you Suet for the thoughtful present.
(10) Thank you Karen for the gift vouchers.

This bday gift is from my dearest friend. I pray that God will bless this friendship of ours. I enjoy this friendship and I cherish the bond.

*** I pray that time will heal your heart and you'll be strong again. I want you to know you will always have friends who care so much for you not forgetting your family. God will give his children the best and not cast them out. Take care my friend.

YEAR 2009

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL MY FRIENDS AND I PRAY THAT IN YR 2009 YOU WILL BE BLESSED WITH GD HEALTH, JOY, PEACE, AND HAPPINESS.

Just to update a few happening things in YR 2008
(1) I went bali with my friend. Our trip is all about shopping, gg to beach and not forgetting to slack. A place that we will plan to go back and do our shopping. Haha. The beaches there was really great and I am thankful for the gd weather.
(2) I went for my LASIK and I am w/o glasses nw. My eyes were dry and causes blur vision so I have to continue to drop eye-drops. Pray that I will get to see clearly soon. Thanks Dad for paying.
(3) Had a great celebration with my friends during Christmas and New Year (Count down for 2009)

Wish list for Year 2009
(1) Be discipline in God's word.
(2) Seek first His kingdom
(3) Be focus and do well in studies
(4) Learning to love with real love
(5) GET A BF (Haha.... I m joking to make you gals laugh)

Nothing much to update and will try to update often. HAHA ... Is HARD....
Take care friends. If miss me ask me out...... I want to party .....

Giving Thanks

When is my last blog ? I can't remember. I am just too lazy to blog.
I had a bad fall last week at my friend's place. Really bad... You must be guessing how bad is my fall. I took photos and I will upload by next week. I cant exercise for the time being due to my cut.
This week I had 3 different test. (1) Final theory (11/11/08) (2) Banking and finance test (12/11/08) (3) IDT final check up (14/11/08) I don't feel v stress up, taking one test at a time. In all ways trusting God to lead.
I woke up early today to buy breakfast for my dear friend b4 i go for my FTT at bbdc.
Now I am trying to stay focus on my notes for tmr test.

Last sat was Day of Prayer at woodland. We were ask to write a list of thanksgiving (Give thanks to God for the yr 2008) Let me share what I had written.
Family
(1) Dad's promotion
(2) Mom's knee cap recovery
(3) Better relationship w parents
(4) Complete my tuition with my bro & cousin (Tough for me)
(5) Celebrated Grandma 77th bday (Great gathering).
(6) Celebrated Mom bday
(7) Gd results for bro n cousin final yr exams
(8) Less angry with my decision in gg to church
Friends/Colleagues
(1) Eunice: Thank you for sharing with me your thoughts and feelings. Thank you for the trust in this friendship. A great and wonderful jogging partner too.
(2) Celebrated my 22nd bday with my gd friends. (Amanda, Eunice, Suet and Ying)
(3) A gp of faithful ladies who prayed for me and encourage me (IDT Ladies)
(4) Jia Yen salvation in Christ
(5) Sharing gospel with Suet, brother and sister
(6) Gd friends attending my baptism
(7) Great colleagues I met in NYP (Angela, Sam and Sixin)
(8) A gp of lecturer who taught me during my 1 yr working in NYP (Tan SL, Lim KY, Ong YN, Leong CY ... etc)
(9) Meeting ppl in SIM (Lynette... etc)
(10) Being able to share with Lynette more
Myself
(1) Be part of IDT batch 4
(2) Being part of Sunbeam team (Is a joy with the children)
(3) 1 yr working in NYP
(4) NTU rejected me
(5) Entering to SIM
(6) Being able to have a good relationship with my dear friend
(7) Pass my BTT and FTT
(8) Discipline in God's words
(9) Baptism
(10) Membership in covenant evangelical free church

Ok I am gg back to my work again. Will update more and upload pic. Take care friends.

Refresh

I was so tired and wanted to give myself a break from everything last week. I just want to rest and don't care about my school, my driving, my DJ and so on.
I was so glad I went for Day Of Prayer on sat because once again I felt renew from God. He showed me how important it is to rely on him and asking from him. Although I don't know how to share with her my thoughts but I am so glad that God understands.
This week I am getting back the momentum and give thanks to God for He is able and powerful.
Grandma celebrated her 77th bday on sat and as usual we had family dinner and I think we are quite noisy as if the restaurant is ours. Haha. I can see the smile on her face and I know she did enjoy herself. Happy blessed bday my dearest grandma. Pray that God will continue to watch over your health and take good care of you.

Get well soon

Take care my dearest friend

Get well soon

I miss swimming

jogging

with you.

Thank you

so much

for this friendship.

To my dear Angela: Thank you for having lunch with me in school. Thank you for being either my doctor or medicine since you said because I see you I felt better. Haha. Anyway thanks :)

STOP WORRYING

As usual, I went to church on Friday for my IDT class. This week had been tough and I am lack of patient towards people. I am so worried and anxious for their coming Mathematics paper and they are still not focusing. I run out of patient and anger came in, I confess I am not trusting in God.
This week IDT thought me to QUIT WORRYING and commit all the God. I was reminded again when I was doing my DJ.
In Jeremiah 1:5 - Before God formed me in the womb God knew me,
God knew us in the beginning and he will provide all our needs. In philippians 4:13 - I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
10 things God gave it to me and you today
1. Quit worrying (Whenever you are worry, stop & Pray)
2. Put it on the list (Not my list, not your list, GOD'S List)
3. Trust God (Don't try to do it yourself since you had put it on God's list)
4. Leave it alone (Leaving the problem you facing to God)
5. Talk to me (As in talk to God, cause He miss our voice - another word : Pray )
6. Have faith (We cant see when remember God see)
7. Share (share our joy, our laughter, our tears, and our faith with others)
8. Be patient (Trusting in God's timing)
9. Be kind (Kind to others)
10. Love yourself (God wants us to love ourselves too)

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make straight your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

Just some updates : I got the job in APS. I passed both my basic and stats tests. Praise the Lord. Preparing for my final theory.

Laid aside your majesty

test